CRYPTO-FICTION: THE HUNT FOR THE CATT

Jonathan Downes sat in his chair, a glass of Black Treacle Grott in his hand, and faced the Investigation Team of the CFZ.

There were three of them, all aged 11.

They were fully equipped.  Cyril had his shrimping net, Cosmo had a popgun only the cork was lost and Eliza had a bottle of ginger beer.

"There is a cryptid I want you to track down," said Jon, sipping languidly at his glass.  "It is the catt."

"I say," protested Cyril, "the cat isn't a cryptid."

"Foolish youth," said Jon, taking a swig from a bottle of Black Treacle Grott he kept beneath a cushion.  "I did not say a cat, I said a catt, with two t's."

"Golly," said Cosmo.  "What does that look like?"

"It looks a bit like a cat," said Jon, "only it has no middle.  It has a head and forepaws, then there is a space and then it has a tail and rear paws."


"That's jolly strange," said Eliza.

"How shall we recognise it," wondered Cyril.

"Where should we look for it?" enquired Cosmo.

"Be off!  Trouble me not with trifling questions," said Jon, flinging the bottle of Black Treacle Grott at his head.

Our doughty band set off for Peru in a boat.  Why Peru?  Why not?  They found rounding Cape Horn a bit of a trial, especially as the boat had a hole in it.  Then they arrived at Peru, land of the Gloomy Parrot..

"Good morrow," greeted this joyless fowl.  "Isn't life a pain?"

"Can you tell us where to find the Catt?" enquired Eliza, taking a swig of ginger beer.  (There wasn't much left.)


"As far away as it can get," said the Gloomy Parrot.  "I believe it has got a job with the Royal Bank of Scotland."

What will our heroes do now?  Find out in the next thrilling episode.

THE ALUX OF MEXICO

Loren Coleman in his book Curious Encounters (1985) mentions these beings and I decided to see if I could in any way augment his information.

The plural of alux is aluxob. 
The Aluxob feature in the folklore of the Mayas of Yucatan.  The Mayas themselves are somewhat short in stature, but the Aluxob are a good deal shorter.  They are supposed to measure from 6" to 2.5' in height.  They are humanoid and equate to the Little People of European folklore.  Indeed, John E. Roth includes them in his scholarly American Elves (1997).  Male aluxob carry shotguns, whose provenance is not stated, and they are accompanied by little dogs.  

Small structures found near ruined temples or elsewhere are thought to be the dwellings of aluxob.  They are often thought to be naked, but sometimes they have habiliments.  They have palm hats with wide brims.

An alux may be made of clay and air.  The idea that they are sometimes made of clay seems fairly well established.  An old word for aluxob is kat, which can mean a statue made out of clay.  This makes one wonder if aluxob were originally clay figurines, small agricultural deities.  The term is sometimes used as an umbrella to cover a number of different kinds of being.

Alux dwellings, apart from being found adjoining temples, are also to be found in fields.  There are a number of similar dwellings, Coleman informs us, in the environs of the ruined city of Tulum, but, just to complicate matters, it is said locally that these were built by corcubados, hunchbacked beings with simian characteristics.

In Spanish the term duende, a general Spanish term for one of the little people, is sometimes used for the aluxob.  Whether the latter represent a pygmy race of humans that once occupied or still occupies southern Mexico has yet to be determined. 

Tulum

BILLIWHACK MONSTER

Ventura County Region

If you look at the map up there, you'll see Ventura County and its environs, to which a peculiar legend attaches.  The Billiwhack Dairy on the Wheeler Canyon Road is supposedly the original home of a grotesque humanoid monster.  It is supposed to have the horns of a ram and claws.  It is said to be tall and furry.  It has been asserted that it has thrown rocks at passing cars.  In particular, it is said to have terrified teenage hikers in 1964.

The dairy was opened by August Rubel, but it went under as a result of the Depression.  In 1943 Rubel disappeared, it was said to do secret wartime service in North Africa.  Shortly after this, the monster is supposed to have appeared.

Rumor, never to be trusted, has suggested that the creature was the result of American experimentation to create the perfect soldier.  It was even said that Rubel himself created it.  The truth may be altogether another matter.

THOSE REPTILIANS

Conspiracy theorists - of whom there seems to be a fair few - harbor the idea that the world is run by Reptilians in human guise.  The interesting thing is that these theorists have followers.  What brings about a situation in which such an idea is so largely favored?

The answer is simple.  Joxer, a character is one of O'Casey's plays, says "The world is in a state of chassis" (=chaos).  Everywhere those who do dastardly deeds rise to the top.  In democracies, the people seem to regularly elect people you wouldn't want your daughter to marry.  Disorder, murder and misery seem to feature in every news bulletin.  Take, for example, World Hunger.  We have the resources to eliminate it, yet it persists, with huge numbers dying.  Instead of spending their money on alleviating such things, Governments spend their money on vast projects aimed at blowing each other up.  Even good governments often have to do this to protect themselves from bad ones.  Even rich countries in the West have far too much poverty.

The people who attract the widest mistrust are politicians and businessmen and with good reason.  Rising to the top is a process that often involves kicking those who are more ethical than you out of the way.  And yet these people continue to rise to the top, they somehow manage it.

It is only natural, then, for some people to say despairingly, They cannot be really human, they are different creatures from us.  Oh, So-and-so says they are disguised Reptilians.  Yes, that would explain it!

However, there is a simpler explanation, an explanation highlighted by Dr Hare (University of British Columbia).

About 1% of the human race are classified as Psychopaths.  A Psychopath may be characterized by the following features:-

     (1) He has absolutely no conscience.  No matter what crimes he
           performs, no inner voice will reprove him for his 
           skulduggery.
     (2) He is absolutely charming: everyone likes him.
     (3) He knows exactly the right things to say at interviews which
           will help him to ascend the ladder in politics and business.

With people like those in existence, they will always rise to the top.  They will then carry out every sort of crime and yet manage to bamboozle people into thinking they are the Pillars rather than the Destroyers of society.  There is no need to say they are Reptilians in disguise.  They are the ones that are the architects of the rottenness that oozes through society and it is about time we learned to recognize them as such.

the truth is not out there - it's over yonder

An increasing number of animals classed as cryptids seem to be "one off" specimens, while one cannot, I feel, start considering that the world houses a breeding population of mothmen or batsquatches. Some have suggested they have been dropped off here by spacecraft. However, a possibility that we now have to consider, however fantastic it may seem to some, is that some of these creatures wander in and out of coexisting universes. The possibility that such universes exist has not yet been rejected totally by scientists, much less disproven. Narnia may lie behind the wardrobe door. The extra-dimensional notion was certainly considered by some of our ancestors and is receiving some scientific attention today from the likes of Michio Kaku and Colm Kelleher.

Incidentally, with regard to Mothman, there is a widespread idea that it was armless. One of the early witnesses, however, emphasised the fact that it had strong, muscular arms.

cfsoap

Would it not be interesting if a soap were put on, using the CFZ as its subjects, with its little ups and downs, controversies, expeditions and verbal interactions, set in rustic Woolsery and featuring a stream of bizarre characters as they came and went? It would certainly get us in the papers more often. But which well-known actors would play whom? Here are a few suggestions.

Jonathan Downes - Stephen Fry
Richard Freeman - Patrick Stewart with additional padding
Graham - the Emu formerly belonging to Rod Hull
Oll - the ghost of Sir Harry Secombe
Lizzy - Miley Cyrus
Jon's stepdaughters - the Cheeky Girls
Tim the Yowie Man - one of the former cast of Neighbours
Man in Black watching Goings-on in Woolsery - Christopher Lee

I'm sure I could think of others if I had the time. Before anyone suggests I should be played by Graham Norton, let me say this would be thorough miscasting.